The year was 2000....

Punch out, another day down, another dollar earned. Feeling sticky from the heat, I drive home. "Hey, I just met you, and this is Cr.........." I almost veer off the road to turn the radio off. Silence. I pull up to a red light. I wonder what people think of me as they leer at me while I'm in the car, almost zombie like. "Wow, look how sad she looks. $10 bucks her dog just died." I felt exhausted. I look out the window at my surroundings to jolt the tiresome from me.....

What in the world?.....

Let me pull this blank white canvas out....lets paint a pretty portrait of my view. Directly next to me was a old clunker car, rusted and clearly on its last days....hours even. On the nearly decapitated bumper was a sticker....."Sexy Mexi"  was proudly in clear view for all to see. You tell them boo, what my first thought. As if the Sexy Mexi wasn't awesome enough I then got the great fortune of watching the passenger and co-pilot in a intimate embrace. Embrace sounds formal, doesn't it? How does sticky amateur porno sound?  Imagine that, let it sink in your skull.

Remember I am running on about 10% of my energy battery life so I found myself staring at these two lovers. In an R rated trance. I started creating a scenario in my mind as to why they felt like this would be the most opportune moment to practice their porno scene. The only possible scenario is as follows:

The money was stolen and shoved under his mattress with the other filth and when Momma Sexy Mexi went to do laundry she caught him. He then had to quit his job at the dollar store where him and his lover first met. He is running away to the grand city of Wendover and she is left with her broken heart and the memories they once held......

The light turned green, hands were lifted from each others face/hair and they drove away. I drove to the next red light, semi-disappointment that this stop left me with no entertainment in sight and a memory from my childhood appeared in my mind. My first kiss.

The year was 2000. I was 14 years old. Not only was I attending a birthday party of a best friend but it was in the big city of Logan at a skating rink, and we were unsupervised (until cake cutting of course). I looked hawt! I wore some new jeans, a white tee with 3 turtles on skooters riding along my maturing chest and a light blue zip up hoody.


Copious amounts of soda, numerous runs to the bathroom to check our hair and repetitive hampster like circles around the skating ring whittled the hours down. Then something happened.....Ray happened.

Oh Ray..... I honestly cannot remember how we came to be. Did he ask me to skate during snowball? Or did we lock eyes and move in together, not needing words? Did I have a moment of confidence and ask him to skate? Or did he see my turtles and have to get a go at them? I don't remember. But what I do remember is we spent quite a few times locked hand in hand around that skating rink. Where he lived, what his last name was, if he picked his nose....none of this mattered in the moment.

Vanessa Williams set the tone for the night....Nothing more romantic than that, that's for darn sure. 

Sometimes the snow comes down in June
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon
Just when I thought a chance had passed
You go and save the best for last

The end drew near. The awkward departures began. We looked into each others eyes and he drew in. And then.....the moment died when he went for my lips and I went for his cheek.

The drive consisted of me having a near panic attack mixed with tears and consoling friends as I dealt with the guilt. I was basically a whore. I was not prepared for this. Not only did I feel like my virgin lips mid cheeck kiss was not satisfactory for a first encounter but I knew I was too young.

Most girls my age would have been on cloud nine. Me? No, I went home, crawled into bed and prayed, the majority of the night I asked to not go to Hell. I was certain that if I died in that moment there was no hope to me. I was adorable....Truly. I wrote my experience in my journal but then glued the pages together with some Elmer for fear of my parents finding out about my reckless behavior. I kept it a secret for a whole 24 hours and spilled the details to my Mom in hopes of a swift scolding to wash away some of the guilt. Instead she tried to hold past the giggles. She was probably relieved knowing that there might be some hope for me.

Years later I did find another Ray. Raymond Anthony Lyman. Coincidence? I think not.

As I drove home today, I realized that I'm not as different than Sexi Mexi. We all need a little lovin in our lives. Lovin is a beautiful thing. It can give you the confidence you need. The confidence to eventually find you a life time lover or......your new adventure to Wendover with your stolen dollar store cash.