Thursday, January 26, 2012

Part 1 of 2. Embarrassing Story + Giveaway

2 and a half years. That is the distance I have put between me and my story.  It was one I thought I would bury and never resurrect again. It is time though. It is time to let the world know the kind of situations I occasionally put myself through. This story is a two parter, as I feel one can only take in so much from this trip. 

I will begin now…..

I found myself in a vehicle with the husband and his Mother and Step dad. We were headed to the Dollhouse. I pulled up “the dollhouse Utah” to find the location (As I have forgotten where we actually went)…it brought up an escort website. What is this world coming to? After some research….we were in fact heading to The Dollhouse in Canyon lands UT.. 

Just to get this out of the way. I am a nervous/anxiety pee{er}. Meaning, whenever there is a situation where I need to perform, I can’t. After a long drive we stayed at a small hotel right outside the dirt road that would take us to the dollhouse. We all got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep, except for me. I laid there waiting for the snores to begin as my bladder burned. I had to pee, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to until my conscious mind knew that I could pee without an audience listening. I got up after about an hour and sat there. The door was right outside the in laws bed. After a good 20 minutes of pushing on my stomach and a series of breathing techniques I crawled back into bed, feeling quite pathetic, I wonder how long this would continue...when I have children, empty nesters stage, olden golden years? I then began to cry.......about the lack of pee and the future that lay ahead. 

I slid in and out of consciousness. Around 3, I finally arose in a panic. It was time to perform and succeed or I feared my bladder would literally burst. I went into the bathroom with a new plan. This plan included my zune and headphones and me humming. It worked. I then slept well for the rest of the night.

This was the beginning of our trip. It was a rocky start and I knew it was a bad omen for what was to come……unfortunately my gut feeling was right.

The following morning we packed up our belonging and journeyed down the dirt road. This road was intense. It was 4 hours of four wheeling. At one point the road was crumbling and we were inches from the edge of a cliff. The feeling in the car was sheer terror. Anthony got out and helped direct the vehicle and his Mom got out…because she couldn’t handle the feeling of being so close to the end of her life. I stayed in the back seat and grabbed another handful of twizzlers. To be honest I specifically remember chuckling to myself, “You’re so lazy you won’t even unbuckle and get out….not even to save your life.”

The four hours were probably the longest 4 hours of my life.  It was hot, the car was crowded and it really was intense at times. We finally arrive at our destination. Our destination was not what I expected. When they forewarned me earlier about the lack of amenities, they were not sugar coating the situation. I figured when they said there was no shower, there would be a toilet and running water….or at least a spigot. This was not the case. It was desolate. It was void of all humans and comfortable living quarters. I was screwed. 

Please enjoy some photos from the trip. Studies these photos, for they will help you understand the situation a little bit better.

We set up our tents and I got my hideous hiking boots on. We decided to canvas the terrain. We took a short hike. I felt the need to be the leader and led us down a path. This path led me to my 2nd near death experience. I was inches from stepping on a pissed off rattle snake.  We decided to not press our luck and we went back to our campsite.   

I then had to pee. Lets discuss the removal of the bowels arrangement. Groover.  Groover was an old ammo box converted to be a toilet. It was pretty intimidating. Especially when it would wobble back and forth while you….wiped. It was behind a rock, a mere 5 feet from the “living room” of our new home. If anyone was in the living room I couldn’t pee. Confession….sometimes if I couldn’t hold it I would find a secluded location. Anthony once walked in on my oh so secret make shift bathroom and scolded me for not using the "real" toilet.

The trip went pretty smooth the first 2 days. Unfortunately things became dire when a pair of hikers submerged from the cliff by Groover. "OTHER HUMANS!"After that I don’t think I used Groover again. The thought of having another human see me on the toilet was too much for me. My conscious mind closed off any possibility that I would be able to relax long enough to sit on the warm ammo seat again.  Little did I know, Groover was going to be the least of my worries. For the following day would bring the highest level of anxiety/shame to my small family of 2. Yes, you read that right. To this day his Mom and Step Dad are unaware of the horrors that occurred right under their noses.

 This concludes part 1 of 2. Please visit tomorrow to read the conclusion of my camping trip.

Is anyone ready for the giveaway?? Recently, 12 readers rehashed their most intimate and embarrassing stories. I was originally going to pick just 1, but found it to be very difficult.

3rd Prize winner of a $10 Target Gift Card goes to.......

Heidi from Frantically Simple. Not only was she the first one to share her story, but she created a loving atmosphere at work, which I found easy to relate to. A particular smell was released from her and instead of fessing up to this offensive odor she watched in horror as two people mentally pinned it on each other. Hilarious and equally embarrassing! Heidi, thanks for sharing! No go ahead and buy yourself some pretty! maybe a scented candle (:
Don't forget to return tomorrow to hear the conclusion of my story.



simply heidi said...

Yay! I win. It was all worth it now... I think Vanessa would agree.

The DeGiulio's said...

Cant wait for the second half tomorrow...those pics look familiar I think I must have read your post after that trip or something. Sounds scary, those near death incidients. And I absolutely HATE snakes!!!

Alicia said...

Sounds good so far. You sure have a knack at story telling. Can't wait for the rest.