Wednesday, March 6, 2013

And I shall call you lumpy...

I have a story...

Last week I went to Subway to get a delicious sandwich. I love Subway. I like that they load up your sandwich and I feel you get what you pay for. I will pick up a sandwich for work every couple of weeks. Because you can only eat so many lean cuisine before you need a reprieve.

6" Turkey on Wheat (or if i am feeling fancy, Italian Herb and Cheese)
-Provolone cheese
-Spinach
-Cucumbers
-Olives
-Pickles
-Lots of Yellow Peppers
-Small amount of light Mayo
-Salt & Pepper

It is delightful.  I never ever waiver from my sandwich. It has been perfected over the years and is tried and true. So why mess with perfect? Also, now that you have my detailed sandwich, you can drop me off a sandwich anytime you want :)

As I stood in line I waited for the young and in love couple ahead of me. First came the girl. She also was getting a turkey sandwich. Smart girl....

"Turkey, lettuce, olives and lots of mayo."

The sub maker did as she was told and did two parallel lines of mayo over her foot long sub. It was a substantial amount of mayo and the maker began to fold the sandwich up.

"No I meant lots of mayo! I will tell you when to stop."

1st long squirt trail of mayo....
2nd long squirt trail of mayo.....
3rd long squirt trail of mayo......

The sub maker hesistates. "Nope, keep going."

4th long squirt trail of mayo....
5th long squirt trail of mayo....

My throat starts to close up and I start to sweat.

6th long squirt trail of mayo....
7th long squirt trail of mayo......

The sub maker says, "Is this enough?"
 The girl stares at her sub and smiles, "Yeah, I guess that is okay."

As the sandwich was closed I saw the mayo ooze out of the bread. The submaker looked ill, I felt like I could heave.. Did you keep track? That was 9 long parallel squirts of mayo!!!!!!!! Am I one to judge? HECK NO! You should have seen my Hawaiian Haystack (more like mountain) I ate last night. But this was a little excessive, right?

Next up, the young fellow. Looking a little shell shocked....
"Foot Long Club On White, No Cheese. Lettuce, pickles, olives, onions. And.....mayo." He looked around and say his woman getting a drink and whispered, "Just a tiny bit please."

I could have hugged him. I envisioned a flash mob dancing through the door, applauding him for not using enough mayo to make enough fry sauce for the entire state of Utah. Blah!

"What would you like young lady?"

My mind was clearly elsewhere when I was startled to see the sub maker was patiently waiting for me.

"Six inch Turkey on Wheat with provolone cheese please. Spinach, cucumbers, olives, pickes, lots of yellow peppers. I stuttered....ummm....well.....and....RANCH!" I watched as she gladly grabbed the ranch and destroyed my legacy. My lunch. My perfect sandwich. "Salt and pepper as well please."

I just couldn't. The sight of that lumpy mayo all over my turkey was just too much. As I sat in the break room hours later with my lunch (basically a salad at this point....ranch? Really?)  I thought about the young girl and the effect she had on me. And the effect that much mayo will take on your body when you get in your olden years....the last 20's. 

Live it up lumpy mayo chick...live it up.

6 comments:

Alicia Thomson said...

Lol. I throw up a bit in my mouth. Ok not really but just about. I can only stand a little bit of mayo on my sandwiches. I may have to try your sandwich order one of these days. Sound delicious.

Kelsey Fairbanks said...

This is nasty! I mean, I like mayo but two long lines of it is enough. BLECH! 9?! lol no wonder you got ranch. I wonder if that couple is still together.

Hey btw... I am planning a trip to LA this June, and I'd like to your advice on where to stay and what to see. You went there with Shanna not that long ago, right? you can email me at kfbanks@gmail.com. kthanksbye!

Kelli Shimek said...

Ewwww! Bleck! Yuuuuucky!

I'm sorry if the ranch ruined your sandwich. I hope you aren't scarred for too long.

Shanna said...

That is disgusting! Remember that time at Lagoon when the lady in front of us did the same thing, but with mustard!?! Moderation people! Moderation!

Jen Holden said...

Ugh Im sorry that is so so gross, I'd totally loose my appetite after that probably couldnt get mayo on a subway again without thinking about her. Your sandwich sounds delish, I love subway especially those banana peppers mmmm.

Kelsey said...

Hahaha! I literally laughed out loud when I read this post. At first I was thinking "Ha, I am the one who always asks for a little more mayo..." Then I kept reading and holy crap! I definitely don't like 9 lines, more like 2 1/2 ;)